Afterthoughts

The simplicity of life in hindsight

Look at me now.

I used to be able to spill words on a piece of paper like a kid would spill milk, I used to be able to think and the laughter would follow, I used to be able to take a laugh, I used to love being the one laughed at. I used to be my own person, I used to live life on my own terms. Look at me now.

I’ve forgotten how to turn pages over on a book, I’ve forgotten the joy of dribbling past all of them, I’ve forgotten all my little cravings of life. I’m not me anymore. I’ve slowly turned into someone else. I’ve become that person I would hate, I’ve become that person I would usually steer away from. I have become the one person that I detest the most. Look at me now.

24 hours of emptiness taught me that the choices in life are not always yours to make, the people you want to be a part of your life are not those that you can have. Life never turns out the way it should, but life does move on. Time does not wait for your decisions, time does not hope for you to make the right choice. Time ticks by, and some of the choices are already made for you. You either stay strong and be strong enough to make the choices in life, or you wait for life to make them for you.

I have always made the choices in life on my own, I’ve always made sure time was on my side, but look at me now. I don’t have time and the choices are being made. Worst of all, I don’t seem to have the strength to accept those choices. Neither does she. And that’s when you resign yourself to solitude. The best solitude is one that’s hard to perceive by them. There is no panacea, there is only a slow cure. I need my slow cure.

Look at me now. Look at what I’ve become.

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